Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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