the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
