So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
