My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
