I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
