Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
