Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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