oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
