When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize