May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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