If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize