My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
