I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
