i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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