hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
