Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ketchup is God's man juice
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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