Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
