What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
