At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
