its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
