im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
