hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
