You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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