he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
