I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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