dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
