No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
