I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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