fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
