This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize