So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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