New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
