he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
