the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
