Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
