Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
