It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
