dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
