sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize