She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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