Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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