By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
