So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
