My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
