what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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