Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
