PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
