i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
