I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
