It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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