If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
