i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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