and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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