After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
