I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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