why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
