Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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