i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
