pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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