next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
