$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
