life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
