my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
