she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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