If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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