I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
