babies were throwing up all over the place
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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