I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize