i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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