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There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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