your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
