after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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