I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
