i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
