I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
