Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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