Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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