now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
