you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
