please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize