you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
