I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
