You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
