turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
