cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
