You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
