you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
