i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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