Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize