we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
