Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
