I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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