He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
