I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
