im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
