I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
