I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize