That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
