My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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