i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
