It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize