i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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