So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize