I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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