Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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