The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
